I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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Do you train for passing tests or do you train for creative inquiry?

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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. — Thomas A. Edison

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If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

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People tell me if I don't eat vegetables, I'm going to get scurvy. Well, what the hell. But I was never overweight as a player. There was a clause in my contract that said I had to weigh in at 270 every Friday morning. I always made it. I'd have dinner on Monday, and then I wouldn't eat until Friday. — Art Donovan

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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright

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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

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Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

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