As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where – where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border.

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Thanksgiving is for real Americans not Indians. We founded this Christian nation. Why if it wasn’t for the God-fearing pilgrims, the natives would still be running around in loin cloths shooting at things with their arrows.

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If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?

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Hope is not a strategy.

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What does the vice president do?

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Only dead fish go with the flow.

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I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick.

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We don't need to fundamentally transform America. We need to restore America.

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How do you know there’s not a door to heaven in the sky between Malaysia and Vietnam?

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Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.

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