All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. -Frank Zappa

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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.- Frank Zappa

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Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

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If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library. -Frank Zappa

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One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.- Frank Zappa

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The way you motivate a football team is to eliminate the unmotivated ones.

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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

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He that drinks beer, thinks beer.

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Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.- Frank Zappa

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Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.

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