The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

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When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

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Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

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Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

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Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.

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I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

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I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

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Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

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How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

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Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

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