Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

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Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

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There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

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When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

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Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.

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Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

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Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

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So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat Over everything debatable and combatable Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life Particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

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Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

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