A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

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The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

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It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

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The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

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Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

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My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.

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Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

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